Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Where Has All TheTime Gone?

My Beautiful Daughter,

Four years ago today, at 6:43 A.M., you were born by emergency c-section, weighing 6 lbs. 15 oz. and 19 inches long.

The first time I saw you, you looked like this

You were very sick when you were born, my beautiful one. So, just a few short minutes later, you were whisked off to another hospital that could give you the treatment you needed. You had a bowel movement inside Mama before you came out and it got in your lungs and made it hard for you to breathe. I had to stay in the hospital where you were born and you went to a special hospital with wonderful doctors who could make you all better.

Someone had called the Chaplain and we all prayed over you for God's protection and healing. It almost killed me to have you taken from me. I wasn't even allowed to hold you! But I held your tiny hand, told you I loved you and that I would see you as soon as the doctor let me out of that place. I told you to get better and to fight hard. Then you were gone.

The next day, I begged Dr. Koning to let me out of the hospital as soon as possible because I needed to see my baby girl. He said that if I was able to get out of bed, walk on my own and go pee, I could go home the next day. Well, baby, I did just that. I had to be with you. I couldn't stand being away from my Angel Girl.

The next time I saw you was two days later in the NICU. You had gotten sicker and the doctor put you on a ventilator to help you breathe and heal faster. You, my little one, were not happy about this at all. You were breathing around the vent, pulling out your central line, I.V. and anything else they had stuck in you! They even tried taping your fingers down to stop you, but you wriggled out of that, too!

When I walked in, you were in an incubator covered in tubes and wires. I almost couldn't take it, but you needed me, so I was going to be there no matter what. I even started pumping my milk for you every two hours the day you were born so that when you came off the vent, you would have your Mama's milk to drink, not some nasty formula.

I wasn't able to hold you until you were 8 days old. The doctor had finally taken you off the vent and all you had was a nasal cannula for oxygen and a tube down your throat so that the nurses could feed you. Some of the Nurses there didn't think you would make it off the vent so quickly, but I knew different! You were my miracle baby. You were strong and you were going to make a full and speedy recovery.

I started to cry the first time you were placed in my arms. Not exactly how it was supposed to happen, but it was awesome and it just felt right.

The NICU Nurse took this, our first family picture.

Every Nurse fell in love with you the minute they saw you. Even then, my baby girl, you were captivating and entertaining all who crossed your path. You even made funny googly eyes at us.

Eighteen days later, we were able to finally take you home. And my journey through Mommyhood finally began.

My beautiful girl, you are four years old today! I cannot believe that! Where is the tiny little baby I held in my arms and nursed? How did you get so big? Where did the time go? In another 18 months you will be starting kindergarten. I am in awe. You are all at once amazing, beautiful, intelligent, entertaining, creative and frustrating! I pray I am doing a good job as your Mama. I pray that you will always be healthy, happy and held in the palm of God's hand.

I love you, Rowan Catherine-Siobhan, more than my own life. And no matter what happens, I hope you dance, anyway.

Happy Birthday, Angel Girl.

Love Always,

Queen Mommy


Diver Daisy said...

What a wonderful post :) Make sure to print off a copy for your daughter to have forever. (My mom wrote me a letter on my 5th birthday and I still have it). She sure is cute - and that hair is gorgeous, even when she was newborn!

Bee and Rose said...

Well, now you've gone and made me all weepy! That was just a very touching tribute!

Happy Birthday, Rowan! Your mommy gifted you with a very beautiful name!

Have a wonderful day, Mom!

(hey, there's some irish dancing over at my blog today if you wantin to add a little jig to the party!)

Kristina P. said...

She's so beautiful! Happy birthday to your little one!

Queenie Jeannie said...

Happy happy birthday dear Rowan!!! I hope you like all your presents from Bella! Being 4 is just SO COOL!!

LadyStyx said...

What a ~beautiful~ share!

Staci said...

Happy birthday to your little one, she is adorable! What a wonderful post to see how far she's come!

Sandi said...

this is a beautiful post. It brought tears to my eyes. How sweet! I have my own little miracle baby too. She was born after I went through cancer and chemo during my pregnancy. She's just 15 months but I think the day I send her off to Kindergarten will be a hard one!

ChicagoLady said...

She is definitely your miracle! What a heart-wrenching, touching, and beautiful story of the first few days of her life. She was a fighter, that's for sure. You are indeed blessed.

Cheryl Podolsky said...

Hard to grasp just how quickly time passes. I can't believe my baby will become a teenager this summer.

Thanks so much for sharing this with us. And thanks a LOT for making me cry, lol!

Cheryl said...

What a wonderful post. My youngest daughter spent 5 weeks in the NICU and it was some of the hardest days of my life. What a beautiful girl your daughter has become!!

The OmniCouple said...

What a beautiful post, Shannon. She will love reading this one day. Thank the Lord you both were ok.


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