Thursday, August 13, 2009

We Are Women...We Must Backstab

A few weeks ago, a very good friend of mine, Jeannie {Jeannie's Happy World} told me about an incident, actually series of incidents, that happened to her where she was made the bad guy but had done nothing wrong. Her friend, Brandi, threw her under the bus for no other reason than she wanted to stay with this group of people and "fit the mold".

The back story is that Jeannie was a part of a stamping group {they make cards} that she was brought into by Brandi. This group is full of old southern retired people and one 30 year old mom {Brandi}. Jeannie was granted admission {they had to vote} and dutifully went to the monthly meetings.

In June, she was asked by the leader, Ramona, to host a Pampered Chef party during the next meeting. She reluctantly agreed, since it was going to be at Ramona's house & she would get a commission on anything sold during the party as well {Jeannie needed only to supply the food}. So, meeting day comes & Ramona has conveniently forgotten all about the Pampered Chef party. And her manners.

The group is pissed off, kicks Jeannie out of the group {after Jeannie already said she had had enough of the old biddies} and commands Brandi to publicly apologize to everyone for Jeannie's abhorrent behavior and cease their friendship {By the way, Brandi is so completely stupid, that she forgot to take Jeannie's name off her email list, so Jeannie got a copy of her public bashing right in her inbox!}. Brandi has since confessed that she was "forced" to choose between the stamping old biddies & Jeannie. Since she had known the old bitches broads longer, Jeannie got the shaft. This is all really like Mean Girls: The Nursing Home Edition. Southern hospitality & class my ass!
The story above may seem trivial and not at all relevant to this subject, but it is intrinsically related and leads me into the bigger picture, as it were. I have to ask, once again, why are grown women acting like they are in grade school? Is it just a case of old women thinking they no longer have to have any manners because they are old? {Much like them not caring that they smell like old french whore & cause migraines in some of the unsuspecting public when they douse themselves in eau du hooker} I have seen this in real life as well as the blogosphere. What the hell is wrong with us as a gender that some of us think it is fine to stab a friend in the back for no good reason and without getting the stabee's side of the incident? How can a woman claim to be a friend & yet lie to your face? I just don't get it.

I am loyal to a fault. I have always tried to see the good in people...until they piss me off, then it's on like Donkey Kong {Holy crap! Did I just type that? I'm losing it...} I actively seek out others with unique abilities & perspectives in an effort to broaden my own and learn something new. I want my daughter to learn that different doesn't always mean bad.

We, as women, are supposed to help one another. We are supposed to unite and support each other. What the hell were all the equal rights/equal pay and bra burning protests for? Was it all merely symbolic? We are still stuck in that place, clawing on the backs of other women to get what we want. It's juvenile and ridiculous!

I don't agree with Gloria Steinem's politics, but I do support her fight for equality for all women. All this backstabbing, jealousy, I will be your friend until something better comes along, how much leverage can I get out of you bullshit has to stop! We need to be united as one gender, regardless of our family, sexual, financial or religious status.

We should always be striving to change the minds of those who think women should be silent, barefoot, pregnant and in the kitchen. We are Mothers, Aunts, Sisters, Daughters, Grandmothers, Entrepreneurs, Nurturers, Bloggers...this list goes on and on. And yet we still reject our uniqueness, morals and class in order to fit in with...with what? A bunch of people who would toss you away if it suits their needs that day? We need to come together. Screw all the other stuff. We all share the same hopes, fears and struggles, no matter how completely different we appear on the surface.

This is why I have such loyalty to CrackDot MomDot and Trisha. She believes, as I do, that we should be a community of women, united for a common goal. Now I am not going to get all Kum Ba Ya on you or anything, but I love that Trisha takes bullshit and drama from no one. I also love her snarkiness. Hell, I am The Queen of Snarky and Sarcasm. It is my life's blood, so to speak. Many people don't "get me" and take my sarcasm as either rudeness or thinking I am better than them. Nothing could be further from the truth. I have lost many potential friendships/relationships because a person was not willing to get to know the real me.

When someone says something intentionally mean to me, it hurts. Sometimes quite deeply. I want to be loved and accepted just as I am. I cannot fit into a mold someone has created for me. Nor would I want to. At the same time, and for as much as I love that I can't be easily categorized, it is truly difficult to always feel as if you are never truly part of the group.

I think this dichotomy is present in all women, to some degree. However, we are still trying to be like everyone else and go along with the pack. We hide behind the group mentality and chew up and spit out whoever is the designated target that day. This is what we are teaching our daughters. It has to stop.

Why isn't it OK to just be ourselves? Why do we, as women, feel the need to deny our true selves in order to be accepted? Children learn what they see. Young girls are especially vulnerable to peer pressure, self-esteem issues and bouts of depression from not fitting in {My Space Mom, anyone?}. Instead of celebrating our unique, special gifts as women, we try to be like someone else. What is this teaching our daughters?

The Net has become a virtual, viral High School Quad for women who have not yet matured past 10th grade. They hide behind a computer screen and spew their venom without mercy or fear of being exposed. Some are ballsy {or dumb} enough to practice this in the real world. But it all comes down to the same thing, women are fighting, tearing down and backstabbing other women out of pure jealousy in an effort to make themselves feel bigger and more powerful. They have no regard for anybody but themselves. We are teaching our daughters to only care about what's good for them and no one else.

How can we successfully build a united community of women when this crap still persists?



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8 comments:

Pippa said...

I just want to give you a virtual round of applause. Best post ever. :o)

Claire said...

THANK YOU!! I wrote a blog last week about petty high school acting GROWN women & never posted it.. maybe I'll go finish it up & post now that you gave me a needed push! Bravo!

Intense Guy said...

Very nicely written.

As a supporter of equality for all (Yes, even for folks from Alaska too) I agree with you - and think you could take this even further.

But small steps... small steps... Lets get the nursing home ladies to behave first.

babyrocasmama said...

Aww, thank you!! That really makes me feel good.

I only write my opinion, but it looks like it's not just mine. isn't it wonderful when we find someone who shares the same opinions we do?

And Iggy, where do you think I should go with this? I want your thoughts on this (and anyone else who would like to chime in).

LadyStyx said...

*note* They don't douse, the friggin marinate.

I, too, am extremely loyal... until someone gives me cause to strike back. Then the gloves come off and I have no problem putting said person in their place. It takes a long time to get the trust back and sometimes, it never comes back completely.

The hard part is figuring out whether what was said was done purposefully and spitefully OR was said out of pure ignorance OR simply because the person didn't know (sometimes a question is just that, a simple question because the asker doesn't know the answer).

Like I've said before:

Life's too short for plastic people, playas, and people that hold onto petty grudges.

Intense Guy said...

What I meant was its not only women supporting/respecting/having common curtesy for women but taking it further - Men doing the same for other men - and men doing that for women and vice versa.

And then youngsters doing that for older folks (and vice versa).

Until everyone is supporting/respecting/having common curtesy for everyone else.

Now I know I'll have trouble with this when it comes to politicians and ambulance chasing lawyers but if we all broadened our "comfort zone envelopes" - things would be nicer for everyone.

babyrocasmama said...

You make some good points, iggy. But I think if we can get the women to stop this crap, then the men will fall into line naturally. Or maybe not...LOL

The girl with the flour in her hair said...

I read, so I comment! I do as I'm told! :) Great post. Good points made.

I found you through 100 Followers Group on Momdot. I'll follow and I'm looking forward to reading!

Please check out my blog! Thanks!

 

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