Last Shreds Of Sanity

Yesterday we went to visit the dreaded In-Laws. My Mother-In-Law is very ill with complications from diabetes, so we are visiting more often for that reason only. This is not something I truly look forward to, considering the bad blood between my Mother-In-Law, Sister-In-Law & myself. My crime? I fell in love with her son/her brother & I do not take everything they say as the gospel truth or cow-tow to them & (Surprise!!) I have my own opinions. Yep, I'm a horrible person/daughter-in-law/sister-in-law. There is some interesting history there. I have been with my husband for 20 years now (it took him half of those 20 years to finally marry me!) I will get to some back story later. Right now, I will tell you what happened yesterday that made my blood BOIL!

My daughter, as you know, if you are a regular reader, is a spitfire. She is pretty wild. She is constantly testing her boundaries & learning new things. This is all normal for a 3 1/2 year old, right? Well, not according to my In-Laws. In their view, Miss Ro has some form of Autism or Asperger Syndrome! Yes apparently they all recently got M.D.'s, Ph.D.'s & M.F.C.C. licenses, because they just know this is true. They conveniently forgot that I am a Psychiatric Nurse who knows her profession quite well.

To bring you up to speed, one of my SIL's daughters has Asperger Syndrome & the other has a mild form of Autism. This is where the In-Laws are basing their diagnosis. They are painting my daughter with the same brush as the two older granddaughters & no matter how we tried, my husband & I could not convince them that Ro's behavior was completely normal for her age & abilities. They had a retort for everything. I said "No problems like that exist on either mine or my husband's sides of the family". I was countered with "there has been a 35% increase in all forms of Autism in families with no history whatsoever." To which I countered "Yes, well a lot of doctors, not knowing what to do & having a parent yell & insist to them that there is something wrong with their child because he/she misbehaves or is a little different & he/she must need medication, are in fact just saying 'OK, It's Autism Spectrum Disorder or ADHD or Asperger Syndrome, here is a prescription.' just to appease the parent. I have personally seen this happen. They are making it a default diagnosis, the same way they did with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome." Nothing. No response.

It did not matter that we explained that Baby Roca had not had a nap. That when she is poopy, she runs wild & that's how you know (once she is changed, she is much, much calmer). They even had the unmitigated gall to compare my daughter's love of all things ballerina & her choosing to wear her tutu above all other clothing to her cousin Mak's Autism caused obsession with the color red & not liking to wear clothes!! We could not win with these people! What's worse, this was all said in my daughter's presence! She hears. She listens. She was being told she is damaged in some way just because of who she is!

We reiterated that her pediatrician has found no problems whatsoever with her cognitive or social development. She has even surpassed what is considered normal at every check up! It did not matter that a failure to properly socialize is a major symptom of both Autism & Asperger Syndrome, something my baby has no problems with in any way. No, our doctor is incompetent for not seeing this neurological/behavioral defect. Yes the hand-picked, Rutgers University Magna Cum Laude graduate, head of the Pediatric Epidemiology Department (the study of childhood diseases) of The CDC in Atlanta for 9 years, doctor who cares for our child is incompetent!!! Can you believe this crap????

I do not know what to do. I will not have my daughter labeled defective by her own blood! I see this, in a way, as an attack on my parenting skills. They are trying to get to the interloper (me) through my baby girl & I WILL NOT STAND FOR IT!! My husband's nieces problems have been blamed as coming from their Daddy's side of the family, so my daughter's perceived problems must be from my unsavory genes as well. Nothing wrong with their genes. No way.

My husband thinks I am overreacting & making it all about me. I reminded him of the history: they were deeply offended that they were told to wash their hands before they touched the baby (it was doctor's orders because of her illness & near death at birth, but attributed to me just being an overprotective "B". Did I tell you that my SIL, who works in a doctor's office, as a receptionist with no formal education in the medical field, said she knows of no doctor who would order hand washing before touching a baby (I asked if she had ever asked a pediatrician that question & got no response) & my husband's brother did not even acknowledge Baby Roca's existence for the first 3 years of her life because of this; CPS was called & told that my 3 month old daughter was underfed, underweight & possibly abused. While we can't prove it, we believe it was my SIL (my hub's own sister) who did it (the allegations were deemed unfounded by CPS & the case was closed); his family has no respect whatsoever for us as parents & they know everything about raising kids. We apparently know nothing & are completely useless as parents.

He still thinks I need to let it go. I think his family needs a full dressing down & told they will not see Miss Ro again if they don't stop this bull****. I don't understand why he isn't more riled up about this; he thinks I am too riled up. He says he knows they are completely narrow minded & that is why he can let it go. I say they are ignorant, mean, vindictive & dangerous to our daughter's sense of self-worth.

Who's right? Let me know what you think. I need all the opinions I can get on this one.

And please, please, do not take this as a sleight against children with these disorders. If my baby truly had this, we would treat it & move forward. I am angry about my angel being labeled by my husband's family as having a disorder when she does not. My best friend's boys have disabilities & I love them like they were my own. I do not treat children with disabilities any differently & neither should anyone else.