I Was Just Wondering...

Now that we have a black President, will it be considered a hate crime or racism to make fun of him, as all political satirists/comics have done with every other Head Cheese? I mean really, do we have to tread lightly here? If he pulls some boneheaded move, shouldn't we be allowed to joke about it? Doesn't the fact that he is Commander In Chief kind of give us free reign on this?

I have already heard some horribly racist jokes about free flowing grape drink, watermelon and Church's Fried Chicken in D.C.. I am not talking about that. I am talking about true humor derived from the actions or words of our new administration. Think of how many comics will eventually be out of work if they can't use him as fodder for their material. Our economy is already in the toilet, do we really need to add more to the unemployment rolls?

I am sure there are comedians chomping at the bit to say something but are afraid of repercussions. Politics are the meat for many of my favorite comedian's routines. What will Chris Rock, George Lopez or Carlos Mencia do without political satire?

I do need to say something about the Neighborhood Ball...if you watched it, didn't it seem more like an awards show than a Presidential Ball? My husband and I kept waiting for the envelops to be opened. It was just...ODD. The DJ, the serenading...it was just weird. And did you catch this guy?





He used to be this guy! I'm not kidding. It's Sting. Holy Crap! Why is he so grizzled? I guess that's what Liberalism and Tantric sex does to ya!

Well, that's my post and I'm sticking to it!

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I Was Just Wondering...

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Pork: The Other White Meat. Not Just For Eating Anymore.

I have figured out how to stop the war & end all these terrorist Muslim Jihads once and for all. With a little help from Carlos Mencia and his DVD *Performance Enhanced, the secret has been revealed: Bacon Bits. Really. I'm not kidding. Bacon Bits. Any pork product, actually.

OK here's the set up (I wanted to post a video of the joke, but I couldn't find one, imagine that!)...Anyway, Carlos went on a USO Tour to The Middle East. Prior to leaving, he was given a handbook on Muslim countries to study and rules to follow. One of those being that absolutely no pork products can be brought into those countries. He thought this was hilarious and showed it to his family, who also had a good laugh.

For those of you who don't know, pork is huge in the Hispanic culture. Chicharones (pork rinds) & carnitas (pulled pork) are staples. I know this because my husband is Hispanic, well sort of. They eat pork rinds with lemon juice, salt & Chile sauce (don't ask, I don't get it either) and they cook the carnitas in a giant metal pot over an open flame. I don't claim to understand these food choices, but I am Irish and Southern, my people eat Hagas and Chitlins (well my relatives do, I've seen where that crap comes from & I ain't eatin' it).

But I digress...

As the joke goes, Carlos' Dad decides to play a prank of his own and after Carlos has packed his bags, Daddy puts a bag of Bacon Bits in there without his knowledge. When he arrives at Customs in said country, the agent goes through his luggage and finds them. The agent is enraged and begins to interrogate Carlos, who thinks it's funny as hell. He explains to this man what happened. The agent is not amused and tells him that he can go to Hell if any pork product touches his body. Carlos apologizes profusely, but then realizes something...If touching pork can damn a Muslim to Hell, we ought to stop dropping bombs and start dropping...wait for it...BACON BITS!!!!

I laughed so hard, I snorted soda out of my nose!

So there you go. I (along with Carlos Mencia) have solved the problem with the Middle East, not by using bullets or even diplomacy, but pork chops. Why hasn't anyone else figured this out yet? You see, if terrorists can all be damned by something so simple as, say a ham hock, then they would be shunned by their people. If they all get shunned and damned, then they would have to convert to some other religion. If all the terrorist idiots couldn't be Muslim anymore, then there would be no more extremist Jihads and no more targeting of Jews, Americans or Christians. Holy Wars would cease to exist. The oppression of women and children would stop.

World peace would ensue.

We would all finally be one happy planet and get along with each other. Wouldn't that be amazing? It's so simple. Makes sense, right? Why hasn't this particular technique been tried yet? I really think a pig is cheaper than bombs & bullets. This could also solve the economic crisis. Don't you see? It's a win~win for everyone...well almost everyone! Hurry now, write your Congressman. Write your Senators. Hell, write the new Prez, he needs some original ideas. Go on...promote the other white meat as a means to World Peace. Nobody will think you're crazy...

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Pork: The Other White Meat. Not Just For Eating Anymore.

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