Monday, August 3, 2009

I Am Woman! Hear Me...Whimper

Whether it's blogging or play dates, the same thing holds true, women, and especially Mommies, just can't seem to say no.

What kind of Mom would we be if we didn't make cupcakes for our 4 year old's class party? Which is tomorrow. We can get the laundry and dishes done after everyone is in bed. And we can wake up early to decorate the cupcakes just like Martha Stewart would. Sleep is so overrated.

We want our kids to love us, right? And we want all the other classroom Moms to Ooh & Aah over what we just whipped up. Because we could never say no. What would they all think of us then?

The Feminist movement kind of backfired on us. {Then Martha Stewart killed us.} It was meant to empower women. All it really did was make us more of a slave to everyone else and less of an asset to ourselves.

We can bring home the bacon. Fry it up in a pan. Give our Husbands some nookie. Feed the kids. Do the laundry. Clean the house. Bake the cake. Check the kids' homework. Bathe the kids. Put them to bed. Make a household budget. Blog. Answer emails. Nod off for a bit.

OH NO!! It's 6 am!

Repeat previous paragraph.

No wonder we're burned out. And haven't showered in....?? But our kids are the envy of their classmates. All the PTA Moms secretly hate us. The house is relatively clean. Well, unless you open the hall closet. Our Husbands are relatively happy. We've written our blog posts, so our readers won't be disappointed. But what have we done for ourselves today?

Are we seeing a pattern here?

Women are taught to do it all. If we say no, we are somehow less of a woman. Or a mother. Or a wife. We can have, do, and be it all. It's just a matter of organization. Or so that evil bitch, Martha Stewart says.

I AM WOMAN! HEAR ME...whimper.

The reality is...I'm tired. I stink. I would rather buy the cupcakes from Albertsons, put them in some Tupperware and call them my own than bake 40 of them from scratch. And I would rather sleep than have sex {OK, not really}. Or do laundry. Or clean. Or post a review. Or just about anything, except blog. I love me some bloggy.

Because all of this stuff we have been taught about Feminism = Having it all = Empowerment is a crock of steaming shit. It is both physically and mentally impossible to do that.

And yet we still try.

We yell at our kids & Husbands. We can't seem to get anything done completely. We order out way too much. And we don't do the laundry until somebody runs out of drawers. When we finally take a look at our filthy, chaotic houses, we get overwhelmed. So we go sit in front of the computer and blog.

Where we promptly get on the PR merry-go-round of getting the highest stats, traffic and coolest blog layouts so that we can get the cool swag and high dollar ads. And we repeat that cycle on and on and on...until we are dizzy and hanging on by a tenuous thread. Because then, maybe, just maybe, if we can conquer the Blogosphere, we really can have it all.

And maybe then we can ROAR!

Or we could just tell Martha, Dooce & the Pioneer chick to suck it, stay in our PJ's all day and learn to be grateful and enjoy what we have now.

Or get drunk. Either, or.



Love this post. I loved the thoughts...the pictures...all of it. I don't bake...and my kids were always volunteering me to make cookies, cupcakes, caramel apples. Once I bought bakery chocolate chip cookies....took them home...took them out of the box....nuked them in the microwave...til they were warm and the chips melted...rewrapped them on one of my plates...with foil...and took them to the school. My son was delighted...his mom had MADE something. When I got home I took the box and went to the dumpster at the end of the road and got rid of all the evidence. I still don't think he knows what I did...and he will be 39 next week.

The deMented Mom said...

OMG a woman after my own heart. Why don't men feel the same pressure to do it all. I think we care too much about what other people (moms) think of us and our mothering skills.

We are truly our own worst enemies.
Thanks for the giggle...I was vigorously nodding my head throughout the entire post.


Janelle said...

Aint that the truth, completely overwhelmed but always willing to comply with a smile...ugghhh...the call of a woman!

Queenie Jeannie said...

Great thoughts!

I think women in general would be happier if they really sat down and figured out what made THEM happy, and just stuck with that.

Who says cupcakes have to be homemade? If you are good at it, and want to, make 'em. If not, don't. If you don't pay my bills, you don't get a vote and no, I don't want to listen to your opinions about how I'm not doing things right because I'm not doing it your way!

There really IS enough time in the day to do the things you need to, AND the things you want to. It takes some time and some practice and some discipline. Everybody wants everything NOW. No waiting. NOW!!!!!

Martha Stewart had maids and live in help. All.Her. Fucking. Life. She isn't any hero of mine. Although her papercrafting stuff is the bomb! Just saying. Otherwise she can suck my nuts.

Where was I?

Oh yeah. Happiness rocks. Rawr!

PS Could those pants on Helen be ANY higher?? Holy Butt Crack Batman!!!!

Queenie Jeannie said...

Oh, and I'm totally blogging about this tomorrow thanks for getting me started, lol!

Bee and Rose said...

High five, sister! I LOVE this post! LOVE IT! You are singing my song!

Haasiegirl said...

what a wonderful post!


LadyStyx said...

T'aint a's a whole steaming rain barrel....

nicole said...

100% on!

I still do NOT know how my mother did it all and never seemed to be as drained as I am. Maybe because they thought they had so much to prove that it kept them going more, where it was more of a birthright for me....

Unfortunately I want to give my daughter everything I was given, so i'm doomed unless i can master shortcuts!


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