Last Shreds Of Sanity

Showing posts with label MomDot Small Talk Six Saturdays. Show all posts

Saturday, October 24, 2009

Mother~In~Laws, They're Not Always So Nice: MomDot's Small Talk Six

Those MomDotters are at it again...Small talk Six! On Saturdays.Today’s topic is "6 things (good or bad) that you credit your mother-in-law for". You can answer this with a list of 6 words, 6 phrases, 6 sentences. 6 paragraphs, 6 photos, 6 videos, etc...

Oh Lord, this is a hard one for me. My MIL and I had a contentious relationship. And that is putting it nicely. She did some awful things to me in 20 years. It has not been good. But she died suddenly this past May and I am not sure what to do about this topic. I'm not supposed to speak ill of the dead, but then again, it's all true. OY!!

Here ya go...

1) NOT teaching my Husband about God. She bitched and moaned about us not getting married in the Catholic Church, but she never made her kids go. They never even had their First Communion! And I'm not Catholic.

2) Causing huge fights between my Husband and I because of her behavior towards me. My Husband didn't want to admit that she {And his sister} were purposefully doing things to hurt me and cause trouble. It wasn't until she refused to hold The Diva because we told her to wash her hands first {Doctor's orders}, that he finally fully acknowledged it and stood up to her. It only took 15 years and her {And other family members'} mistreatment of our newborn daughter to do it!

3) Us getting married in Las Vegas. We had it all set. A beautiful little stone chapel, all our friends and family, my Uncle giving me away, a reception...then she and my Husband's sister invited a bunch more people to our wedding without consulting us or offering to pay for the extra people {We were paying for it ourselves}. The chapel only held 125 guests and we had invited 110 ourselves. When I found out, my Husband said "Let's just go to Vegas". So we did. And his family showed up. This would have been fine if my MIL and SIL hadn't acted like such royal bitches the whole time. I have wedding photos I can't even look at now because of the looks on their faces.

4) My wedding dress being two sizes too big and missing huge pieces of lace. She offered to make my wedding gown as long as we got married in a church in SoCal. I gave her the picture of what I wanted and said if she could make that one, she had a deal. She agreed. Then she decided to make the dress the wrong size and leave off the major parts of lace coming down from the bodice onto the skirt. I paid for all the material. She {And her sister} provided the labor. Her excuses were that she wanted me to be "comfortable" in the gown and that they had conveniently "lost" the pictures of the gown I had provided. Uh huh. {I had to pay a seamstress A LOT of money to fix it before the wedding}

5) Our daughter not having a good, strong relationship with her Daddy's side of the family. If she had not been so bloody offended at having to wash her hands before holding The Diva {She almost died at birth and was in the NICU for 18 days and had a depressed immune system for a very long time}, she would have had a great relationship with her amazing granddaughter. But she, my SIL and BIL were deeply disturbed by the thought of having to do anything to ensure The Diva's health. Well, other than what they thought they should be doing, anyway. They even said it was me who was being paranoid and not our pediatrician! I got him to write a note to prove it was him and not me just being and overprotective bitch.

6) Us not going to her house for nearly 4 years. This was my Husband's response to them refusing to wash their hands for the baby's health. He thought it would make them step up. It didn't. Instead they consistently tried to make him feel guilty for never visiting and them and only seeing The Diva at family gatherings. My Husband wouldn't give in until January 2008, because his sister confronted him on Christmas Eve 2007, and told him how sick his Mom really was. And she wasn't nice about it. At all. Yeah, Merry Christmas!

There you have it. It wasn't a pretty 20 years. It wasn't any fun either. I am very sad that she died before all these issues could be completely resolved. And I am even sadder that she will never know The Diva the way she knew my Husband's nieces {They are teens now}.

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Please vote for me in the Dottie Awards. I was in the lead for the Michael Moore award, but Miss Stitchblade {Brandy} at Not So Average Mama is edging me out. Surely you, my dear readers, don't want to see me lose, do you?

Please go vote for www.LastShredsOfSanity.com over at MomDot.com. You don't need to register, just click and go. You can vote once per IP address, so if you have a cell phone with internet access or another computer you can use, you can vote more than once. And I really do want to win this award. So please help me. Tell a friend, tell a stranger.

Voting has been extended until Tuesday, October 27, 2009. You can also tweet "Vote for www.LastShredsOfSanity.com for The Michael Moore Award http://www.momdot.com/dottie-awards-voting/" to help me out. {Remove the quotation marks first, please}

~*~*~

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Saturday, June 27, 2009

It's Gotta Be Mission Magic: MomDot's Small Talk Six

Those MomDotters are at it again...Small talk Six! On Saturdays.

Today’s topic is “if you had magical sunglasses, name 6 things you would like to see with them". You can answer this with a list of 6 words, 6 phrases, 6 sentences, 6 paragraphs, 6 photos, 6 videos, etc...

Here you go...It's gotta be Mission Magic

1) My daughter as an adult, happy & healthy.

2) My Husband & I as Grandparents.

3) My beloved Dad {who died 17 years ago}

4) The Motherland, County Sligo, Ireland.

5) One of the most beautiful places on Earth, truly this is God's country, The North Shore, Hawaii.

6) My fantasy man, Rick Springfield, in all his, ummm, glory. {With eyes just for moi}

7) That we do, in fact, get to own our own home, have some financial stability and by some miracle have another baby {I had cervical cancer & cannot successfully carry a pregnancy to term because of the surgeries}

~*~*~*~
Extra points to anyone who can correctly name the title of this song & the artist who sang it without the use of Google...

Do you believe, you believe in magic, 'cos I believe, I believe that I do
Yes, I can see, I believe that it's magic
If your mission is magic, your love will shine thru

Do you believe, you believe in magic, 'cos I believe, I believe that I do
Yes, I can see, I believe that it's magic
If your mission is magic, your love will shine true

If there's one thing that the world needs, its a magic singing song
And I'll teach it to the whole world and make them sing along
Love is magic, it's so easy, and it's not hard to do
'Cos everybody, wants somebody, to give a little magic to

Do you believe, you believe in magic, 'cos I believe, I believe that I do
Yes, I can see, I believe that it's magic
If your mission is magic, your love will shine true

I've seem so many, unhappy people, reaching out in vain
You got the power, to shower, love like summer rain
Love is magic, it's so easy, and it's not hard to do
'Cos everybody, wants somebody, to give a little magic to

Do you believe, you believe in magic, 'cos I believe, I believe that I do
Yes, I can see, I believe that it's magic
If your mission is magic, your love will shine true

Do you believe, you believe in magic, 'cos I believe, I believe that I do
Yes, I can see, I believe that it's magic
If your mission is magic, your love will shine true

If your mission is magic, your love will shine true
If your mission is magic, your love will shine true

~*~*~*~

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Saturday, June 6, 2009

Proud Mama: MomDot's Small Talk Six

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Saturday, May 23, 2009

Beach Blanket Biiingooo...: MomDot's SmallTalk Six On Saturdays

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Saturday, May 16, 2009

The Obvious Escapes Many: Small Talk Six On Saturdays

Those MomDotters are at it again...Small talk Six! On Saturdays.

Today’s topic is “6 pieces of advice that you think are obvious, but some people just need to hear" You can answer this with a list of 6 words, 6 phrases, 6 sentences, 6 paragraphs, 6 photos, 6 videos, etc . . .

Well, let's see...There are many things that are common knowledge for most of us but completely fly over the heads of others. I will try and only enumerate six of them. However, the obvious escapes many.

1) When someone's parent {or other significant loved one} dies, do not ask their spouse/significant other how they are doing. How do you think they are doing? They are crying, grieving and usually bitchy. For a while. Sometimes a long while. And their spouses are trying to duck and bite their tongues over the hurtful, sometimes mean things being lobbed at them by the one who is in pain because we know that we are being lashed out at out of sheer grief. And because we are in the same room at the time. We know it will pass eventually.

But it is frustrating to keep being asked "How is she/he doing?" by well meaning friends and family because, no matter how we felt about the person that passed on, we are also grieving...for our spouse and the pain they are being hit with in endless tidal waves and the fact that we can't fix it or make it better in any way.

2) Do not give Mothers advice on how to raise their children unless you are specifically asked to do so. Otherwise you come off as being nosy, bossy and controlling, especially if your advice is inaccurate or dumb. And it's just bad form.

3) Use your turn signals while driving. I cannot read your mind. I am not psychic. But I will make sure you know exactly how I feel if you don't follow the rules.

4) Practice what you preach. Talk the Talk and Walk the Walk. Say what you mean and mean what you say. Otherwise no one is going to take you seriously, especially your kids.

5) Little girls under the age of 13 should not be allowed to wear bikinis, spaghetti straps, halter tops, tube tops, leopard print or tiny little skirts/dresses that show their chonies. Yes I know you like to have matching outfits with your baby girl. And it can be cute and fun to do that, in the Wintertime, with matching sweaters or ski suits. But not if you, the Mom, dress like a Hootchie Mama, stripper or hooker. They are little girls, not mini-yous. Do not over expose or oversexualize your daughters when they haven't even hit puberty yet, they have enough to contend with in this big bad world already. Kids grow up fast enough as it is, just let them be little girls until they aren't anymore. {This is the exception to #2. Thank you, Lori, for pointing that out to me.}

6) Be respectful of others around you. While you may love to play your music at concert level decibels, not all of us like your version of music, nor do we want to hear it through the walls of our homes or feel the base rattle our windows. Yes I know you pay your mortgage/rent just like we do. Yes I know you have the right to do as you like in your own home/car/yard just like we do. However, you do not have the right to disturb my peace with your "rights of enjoyment" as that actually violates my "rights of enjoyment". Get it now?

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Saturday, May 9, 2009

Me And My Mom~Oil And Water~I Am Me: MomDot's Small Talk Six

Those MomDotters are at it again...Small talk Six! On Saturdays.

Today’s topic is “Six ways I am unlike or like my Mother" You can answer this with a list of 6 words, 6 phrases, 6 sentences, 6 paragraphs, 6 photos, 6 videos, etc . . .

Six ways I am unlike my Mother? Well if that isn't a loaded question! My Mother and I are like oil and water, we just don't mix. You only want me to list six? There are several thousand...

1) The obvious: My Mother is a Bi-Polar~Manic Depressive~Alcoholic~Anorexic~Control Freak~Prescription~Drug Addict. I am none of those things. OK maybe I'm a little control freaky, but not militant about it {Hello? Have you met my child? It's impossible to be a control freak with her around}.

2) I am not stuck on the cross. After that Dolly Parton movie came out, the one where she played a pseudo talk radio therapist, my Big Bro and I started saying "Get off the cross, Mom, somebody else needs the wood," every time she pulled her martyr crap. Which she did on a daily basis.

3) I do not think of my child as a possession or want her to fit into some box I created for her {Her actually listening to me and doing as I tell her would be nice, though}. I want my daughter to be who she is going to be, even though that process drives me to the brink of insanity most days. She is a gift from God and is perfect just the way she is. Period. She does not have to respect me just because I gave birth to her, I need to earn it {But at 4 years old I do think she needs to learn how to respect me and her Daddy. Learning the real meaning of it will come later.}

4) I don't think the world owes me a living nor do I think anything that happens to me or because of me is always someone else's fault, rather than my own. I take responsibility for what I do, my Mother does not. I do not now, nor will I ever laud something I did for my daughter over her head in an attempt to guilt her into acting, doing or being the way I want her to act, do or be like. {See number 2}

I will never say the state my life or well being is the fault of my child. I will, however "blame" The Diva for the stretch marks that make my body look like bad Appalachian road map and the dead sack of flesh that is now my lower abdomen {C~sections are so much fun}. That is simply factual, not an attempt at martyrdom. Every part of my forever changed body is worth having because it made me become her Mama.

5) My Big Bro told me the other day that hearing me talk to The Diva reminded him of the way Mom used to talk to me when I was little. Can we say shudder and want to slap Big Bro?? One of my goals/missions in life is to never do one thing as a Mother that my own did to me. Apparently I have failed, at least according to my Big Bro. I need to work on that one, I guess.

However, I always thought that a parent saying "Because I said so, that's why" in response to their child's pleas of "Why" was a cop out. Surprisingly, that is what good parents are supposed to say, I read it in an article in Parenting Magazine and everything! Now I actually say it to my daughter, just like my Mom used to say to me. Damn it! Opening your mouth to reprimand your child and hearing your own Mother speak is truly frightening.

6) I encourage my daughter's independence, privacy {To a point, of course} and exploration, no matter how much insanity it causes me. My own Mother did not, she smothered us. So much so that I applied to East Coast Ivy League Universities {Well, any University that was more than a days drive or 3 hour plane ride away, really} in the hopes of getting away from her!

My Mom has opened my mail, including credit card bills and letters from friends detailing extremely personal experiences all because they came to "her house" and, by her definition, that is what gave her the right to do so. She would also berate me if she did not like the contents of said letters or bills even though they had nothing to do with her, nor were they any of her business.

7) I feed my daughter well balanced, healthy meals {Most of the time}. She is only allowed to have candy and sweets on rare occasions and cannot have any soda at all. I cannot say that about my Mother. She let me drink a Coca~Cola with breakfast starting at 5 years old! Every day.

As a toddler/preschooler, I can remember going into the kitchen while she was cooking dinner and being given raw fat sprinkled with salt to munch on! Can we say EEEEEWWWWWW???!!! This is why I suspect I was anemic at the age of 6 and had blood in my urine, which scared the hell out of me. I thought I was dying. To this day, I become anemic quite easily. Thanks, Mom!

That's my list folks. I answered the question honestly. As for who I am most like? That would be my Dad. I guess I was born on his birthday for reason, huh!

Happy Mother's Day!

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Friday, May 1, 2009

Teacher Secrets: MomDot's Small Talk Six

Those MomDotters are at it again...Small talk Six! On Saturdays.

Today’s topic is “6 things you always wondered about any of your teachers or professors when you were in school.” You can answer this with a list of 6 words, 6 phrases, 6 sentences, 6 paragraphs, 6 photos, 6 videos, etc . . .

This one is going to be fun!

1) In 7th grade I had a History teacher that I loved dearly. He was a blast. But I always wondered if he was gay or not and if he was why he felt he couldn't come out about it. He still would have been a cool teacher and his students still would have loved him.

2) In 7th grade we got a new teacher at school. his name was Mr. Joachim. He was young and very good looking. All the girls had crushes on him, including me. In 8th grade, I had him for a science class (I think it was science...). My assigned seat was in one of the front rows of the classroom. I walked to school daily because the junior High was only about 2 miles from my house. One day we were having a dance after school, so I wore a nice dress.

That same morning, in class, Mr. Joachim said "Class, Doesn't Miss Smith look nice today?" Umm, WTF??? "You know, I saw her walking down the street today on my way to work and almost crashed the car as I did a double take to get a better look." Holy $^!% ...Are you kidding me? I turned about 20 shades of red!

The next day, I found out that he lived in our town home/condo complex where my Dad was the Home Owner's Association President. I had made the mistake of telling my Dad what my teacher had said to/about me. I want to know what my Dad said/did to Mr. Joachim at the next HOA meeting because he never acted quite the same with me after that.

3) I always wanted to ask if my college freshman Philosophy 101 Professor was dropping acid or something. He came up with some pretty bizarre things for us to write/read about and his lectures were really out there.

4) I want to ask why my {and my Husband's} High School Government teacher, Mr. Crosson, was such a bigot {My Husband is Hispanic, sort of...}. He hated my Husband~then~boyfriend, so much so that his Mom came down to the school three times to talk to him about the treatment her son was receiving in class.

5) I want to ask my second grade teacher, Mrs. Wheeler, how she knew, when I was all of 7 years old, that I would turn out to be a writer someday. {She told this to my Mom at a Parent/Teacher Conference}

6) I have always wanted to ask our High School Football coach, Jim Boeke, how the heck he went from playing for the Dallas Cowboys to acting {He played Dauber's father, Mr. Dybinski, on the ABC sitcom Coach. You can't miss him, he's 6'5!} and still taught English and coached football at Westminster High School. He is a cool dude. He has been in several TV shows and movies, including M.A.S.H., A Man Apart {With Vin Diesel}, Star Trek VI, Dragnet, North Dallas Forty, etc., but never had an ego trip. He is the character actor you can never name but always recognize.

That's my list and I'm sticking to it!

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Friday, April 24, 2009

You're BUUUGGGGING Me, Dude! Stop It!: MomDot's Small Talk Six!

Those MomDotters are at it again...Small talk Six! On Saturdays.

This week's topic is: The six things other people do that make you personally uncomfortable.You can answer this with a list of 6 words, 6 phrases, 6 sentences, 6 paragraphs, 6 photos, 6 videos, etc .

Well, there are many things that bug the crap out of me {according to my husband, too many, sometimes}. It will be hard to list only six, but like the good little ~~rebel~~ trooper I am, I will do my best.

1) Hearing YOUR music inside my house, with all my doors and windows closed. If I can hear it, IT'S TOO DAMN LOUD!

2) If you want to have a conversation with me, address me by name. Or honey. Or Mama. Or SOMETHING. When you do not do this, and I am already engrossed in another task, I will not hear you and you will have to repeat yourself so that I can understand what you are talking about. {This goes for my Husband, especially...}

3) People that just STOP in the middle of the aisle in stores like Wal~Mart, Target, etc. and no amount of saying "Excuse me, I need to get by" makes them move. That is just plain rude.

4) Getting unsolicited, and completely untrue, advice from people on how to raise my child. The people who have done this to me consider themselves "experts" because they have "raised some kids". My In~Laws having a problem washing their hands before they held The Baby Diva, even though it was Doctor's orders {because she was fresh out of the NICU and had a depressed immune system}, but they thought it was my rule, offensive and paranoid, for example.

5) Seeing kids playing in the streets with no parental supervision. I want to tell them to get out of the street, but don't want to step on anyone's toes. At the same time, I don't want my daughter to see that kind of behavior and think it's OK for her to do the same.

6) People not respecting my personal space. I don't know you. Don't stand so close to me.

6a) Women {and sometimes men} who bathe themselves in the most foul smelling Eau Du Toilette. My Husband and I always say "Old French Whore." I personally cannot handle strong smells, they will cause me to have killer migraine that lasts for days {This is why magazines stopped putting perfume sample in their ad pages}. I wish people would have a little more respect and compassion for others and realize that when we can smell them coming a mile away, we are not thinking "Oh that smells wonderful!" On the contrary, we are thinking "You truly smell like an Old French Whore. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it??" Sometimes the perfume that you adore can cause the people that encounter you and your stink extreme pain and suffering.

6b) BARNEY!!! He is the Anti-Christ! {As my daughter sings that bloody song...where she heard it, I will never know. Barney is banned in this house, along with SpongeBob.}